


Kiss me I'm Amphibious

by LittleMrsCookie



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, April Fool, Catgirl, Darcy Lewis April Fool's Crack Challenge, Darcyland April Fool’s Crack Challenge 2020, F/M, Funny, Kiss me I'm amphibian, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Tunaboy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:33:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23474014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMrsCookie/pseuds/LittleMrsCookie
Summary: April Fool's ChallengeNot serious guys!!!Prompt: "Kiss me, I’m an amphibian."
Relationships: Victor Creed/Darcy Lewis
Comments: 27
Kudos: 105
Collections: Darcy Lewis April Fool's Crack Challenge 2020





	Kiss me I'm Amphibious

**Author's Note:**

> M Rating due to cursing (lots of fricking and fucks)
> 
> Prompt: "Kiss me, I’m an amphibian."  
> A variation of the Frog Prince trope where a character has turned into an amphibian and needs a kiss to turn back. (You could even make them into a reptile, we won’t tell on you)

So …You guys obviously all know about soulmarks, right?

Those neat little words written somewhere on your body.

The same words that are written in your future special someone's handwriting. The first words your soulmate would say to you.

Right! Of course you do!

There are obviously many stories regarding those extraordinary words. Sad stories, funny stories, romantic stories … you get my gist. From those poor bastards that are labeled with 'It's nice to meet you.' or “Can I take your order?' to those unique one's like 'Hey dude … I don't want to seem rude but your hair is on fire.'

Yeah, yeah. Lots of stories.

And then …

_BAM!!!_

EVOLUTION BABY!

Mutants happened.

And with mutants appearing all over the globe, the soulmarks began to change.

They had to, obviously. Duh.

So…Just imagine you get stuck with a soulmate that bursts into flames.

But Evolution is smart. Evolution is a sneaky bitch. Evolution made it so that you would match the mutation your soulmate had, or get a similar one, or one to counter-effect your soulmate's. You know what I mean right? Basically, it’s so the poor guy who ends up with a flaming hot chick (pun intended) wouldn't end up with a grilled wiener.

The words stayed but if your soulmate happened to be a mutant, well, it oh so happened that you too would turn into a mutant if you weren’t one already.

What that meant for our favorite Intern Eternal was this; at the tender age of fourteen she had grown a pair of tits, a huge pair of tits and people stared. Boys, girls, men, woman … it didn't matter they all stared. She was the center of envy, of lust, and oh so many leers.

So her mutation didn't really faze her because honestly, it was cute.

At seventeen Darcy grew cat ears, white fuzzy cat ears. She shrugged it off and proceeded to wear knitted caps from then on. What was the harm?

You know the rest.

She grew up. Became one with the university and eternal slave to Student Debt. The famous “ _I am not dying for six college credits!_ ” happened and here she was sitting on the floor in her apartment in Avengers Tower and staring at her reflection. Not that she was vain [on occasion and mostly because boobs okay?] or even truly insecure [ not as often and she’d come to kind of embrace her curves (boobs) ] but there was a new development to her form. Literally.

The white fluffy cat tail swooshed behind her like a duster.

A cat tail! A fricking Frigga long- haired cat tail! A tail which hadn't been there the previous day. It was so fluffy! And matched her dainty little ears.

It swooshed to the other side slowly; she was getting a hang of it. The real test would be when she had to use the bathroom for the first time. Like, did she squat like normal or would she have to, you know, kind of straddle it facing the tank side? Like hell would she get an actual facts litter box, she will cut someone [Clint…Tony] who would even crack the first joke.

When she walked into the lab that morning the only one who really took notice was Bruce. He merely blinked a few times before sipping from his green tea and returning to his work.

Jane noticed three days later.

Tony noticed the moment he walked into the lab four days after that and of course he made a perverted cat girl comment.

_Trust Tony Fricking Stark to know about Furries!_

A day later she received a package with roughly fifty different collars, all either with little bells or bows. That pervert!

She enjoyed watching his eyes bulge when she wore a low cut top and one of the collars the next day. If she took the extra time to not only wing out but extend her eyeliner in the perfect smoky cat eye, well, coincidence and all that. She personally thought the Rose Red lip added a nice touch of extra va-va-voom.

Jane didn't take notice.

Of course, the Tower was attacked not long after; and of course, she was kidnapped by Thor's favorite brother and archenemies – Loki.

And then the little fucker dropped her!

Like actually dropped her while flying!

Right into a lake!

So that was the story of how she found herself staring at a freaking, fucking, scary as hell (but also kind of really hot) merman.

A merman!

A very fucking hot merman.

In a lake! Well…if there are freshwater crocodiles, and sharks that swim up actual rivers, then why not a freshwater mer-creature?

Or something like a merman. In no way did the reality of the merman match any animated merfolk in either rendition of _The Little Mermaid._

He had a somewhat human upper body (if you ignored the pitch black eyes and the fangs … and the claws on slightly webbed hands), but somewhere around his navel, as the man vee arrowed lower, his skin was replaced by glittering bright orange scales that ended in a huge fish tail swishing through the water behind him.

He was, like, large.

Really, really large.

Like 10 fucking feet or something.

And broad, dear god, he had muscles.

And a beard!?

Like what? What merman had a beard? That didn’t seem very sanitary…it looked questionable to Darcy.

And he was staring at her in complete shock (or surprise, who knew?) while she, like, drowned?  
Because she sure as hell couldn't swim with her hands and feet bound behind her back courtesy of the Adopted Asgardian Menace Who Refused To Fucking Grow Up Or Go To Therapy. Perhaps her thrashing around madly in a weird body wiggle attempting to tread water might have given him a clue as she capsized. Look, it didn’t matter if you had the biggest boobs in the world, once those puppies [ahem!] are pointed down with the rest of your body weight bound and center of gravity in a weird messed up arch, they cease to act as natural flotation devices and you just … sink.

Thankfully, tall [eh, probably], dark haired [and bearded!] and yummy [but also scary / intense … intensely scary?] seemed to have overcome his shock of her literally dropping into his lap [merfolk had laps?]. You know, because at least her tail had sure as hell brushed against him during the whole drop off thing. Anyway, getting over his shock, he followed her down and took a hold of her arms, dragging her along towards the surface.

Thanks, Frigga!

When they finally broke the surface she gasped for air and coughed up water. His clawed hands made short work of the ropes binding her wrists together [Loki was dead, the fucker, she didn’t care how much Thor pouted – he bound her hands purposefully so she couldn’t claw at the bindings] and she brought them up immediately to help keep herself above the water. Since apparently he didn’t feel her feet and ankles needed to be released either.

Despite the coughs wrecking her body as a whole, she noted that he held her very carefully against his body, mindful of his long and sharp claws, while she practically lay on top of him like Kate Winslet on that door that should have carried her and Leo to safety in Titanic.

After shredding the bindings on her wrists, he had turned her around so her back was pressed against his muscular chest while he himself swam backwards towards the shore. The long powerful fish tail made soft but sure, strong strokes through the water. His beefy arms were wrapped underneath hers, keeping her effectively above the water.

The problem with that?

He smelled tasty.

And not just in the, hey let’s bone kind of way.

Like food.

Tuna to be precise.

Weird thing to smell like for a supposed fresh water creature, but perhaps he was just visiting this lake? She would have thought he’d smell more like bass or ahem, catfish if he were native to freshwater.

Frigga, she wanted to bite into the delicious looking appendage wrapped around her chest, looking oh-so-delectable and tasty. Like, so tasty, so much!

Her (cat) instincts were screaming at her to bite him already, for fucks sake! (Food! Tasty Food!) To swipe her claws [figurative … wouldn’t it be cool if her next mutation were claws and little kitty fangs to go with her ears and tail?] and sink deeply into flesh.

She managed to resist.

_Barely._

The water was getting shallower before he moved them around, sitting her down onto a rocky bank.

His clawed hands were on either side of her feet and he towered over her easily, even with her sitting down on a rock. His long, orange tail sprawled out behind him, flickering softly. He grinned at her, showing off sharp fangs before he carefully moved one hand between her ankles, shredding the rope around them.

Her own wet [fluffy temporarily drowned out of] tail swung behind her drawing his gaze, those pupiless black eyes following the movement with great interest.

He smelled good, too good.

He needed to go.

“ **Thanks for saving me, but you need to leave before I bite you, Tuna-Boy.** ”

For a moment he looked like she slapped him before he leaned in even closer, that bearded, fanged mouth gaping into a pleased smirk.

“ **Bite me all you want, kitty cat, I don't mind scratching either**.”

_Oh shit!_

He was her soulmate.

Before her brain could catch up his lips crashed onto hers.

Any thoughts of dinner vanished from her mind as a hunger of another sort reared it’s head. If his fish tail turned into feet at some point it was a little lost to her due to the rather rough tongue pushing through her lips.

Maybe she would send Loki a gift basket.

**Author's Note:**

> Betaed by my lovely friend [KiaraAlexisKlay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiaraAlexisKlay/pseuds/KiaraAlexisKlay)
> 
> I know stretching it from 'amphibian' to 'mercreature' ... buuuut I couldn't resist the Tuna-Boy


End file.
